is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
