Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
