you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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