his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
