I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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