I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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