this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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