I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
