At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
