Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
