I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I look better un-naked...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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