then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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