i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
