my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
