his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
