He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
