i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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