you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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