I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
