Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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