man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This baby is an asshole
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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