My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
