your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
