That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
