I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
