Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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