all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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