I wish I could teleport
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
