Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
