Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
