Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
