she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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