I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize