Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
