Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
