I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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