Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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