New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
