Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
