have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
