You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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