I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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