Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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