my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
