For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize