I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
