We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
