they need to just BURY HIM!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
