I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
