I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
