you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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