The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
