You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
