Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
