Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize