I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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