I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
