hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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