I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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