dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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