I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
