fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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