When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
