Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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