Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
