"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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