Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
