come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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