I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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