Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
