I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is the high leading the old right now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
