I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
