Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
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