Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
