I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
