Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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