Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want nice things and good sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
