He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize