i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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