we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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