I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
